He's not my ex-husband
People have mistaken me for a lot of things. They have mistaken me for my partners son, they've mistaken me for a vegetarian, they've mistaken me for "non-hispanic white." But never before, had I been so horrified, so dumbstruck as when I was mistaken for Geoff's ex-wife.
Rarely has anyone ever had the chance. We tend to be so pre-emptively "out" about the structure of our family. But as the kiddos get older, we can control these social contexts less and less. It was my first time picking Zian up from karate. Geoff had taken him before. And when I found myself talking to another parent, who had spoken with Geoff at earlier classes, I just assumed she had all the information - she new where we lived, gestured to our shared duplex, and then said, "Yeah, I met your ex-husband last week."
My eyes must have bulged out of my head. I remember thinking, "That is just so wrong in so many ways" I wasn't sure where to begin, so I just said, "I don't have an ex-husband." And she stuttered and I stuttered and then, within a second the situation was cleared up as I said something like, "We're gay. There's two dads and two moms, and the dads live on one side and the moms live on the other and the kids have one big house."
I know it's ridiculous. I can see where she added up the pieces and came to that conclusion, and she was being so friendly and kind about that notably non-traditional situation as it was! But I couldn't stand it, being so heterosexualized, it was like a slap in the face, I had a visceral, physical response and it was a horrible feeling. As I recount it I almost feel heterophobic about it (apologies to all the belvoed hetersexuals in my life, my parents, not least of all). That matra which first came to mind plays over and over, "That is just so wrong in so many ways." It was as if the "ex" part added insult to injury, that I could be both married and divorced in one simple phrase - I saw my alternative heterosexual life flash before my eyes - so wrong, so wrong! The story was just so wrong.
-Lisa
Rarely has anyone ever had the chance. We tend to be so pre-emptively "out" about the structure of our family. But as the kiddos get older, we can control these social contexts less and less. It was my first time picking Zian up from karate. Geoff had taken him before. And when I found myself talking to another parent, who had spoken with Geoff at earlier classes, I just assumed she had all the information - she new where we lived, gestured to our shared duplex, and then said, "Yeah, I met your ex-husband last week."
My eyes must have bulged out of my head. I remember thinking, "That is just so wrong in so many ways" I wasn't sure where to begin, so I just said, "I don't have an ex-husband." And she stuttered and I stuttered and then, within a second the situation was cleared up as I said something like, "We're gay. There's two dads and two moms, and the dads live on one side and the moms live on the other and the kids have one big house."
I know it's ridiculous. I can see where she added up the pieces and came to that conclusion, and she was being so friendly and kind about that notably non-traditional situation as it was! But I couldn't stand it, being so heterosexualized, it was like a slap in the face, I had a visceral, physical response and it was a horrible feeling. As I recount it I almost feel heterophobic about it (apologies to all the belvoed hetersexuals in my life, my parents, not least of all). That matra which first came to mind plays over and over, "That is just so wrong in so many ways." It was as if the "ex" part added insult to injury, that I could be both married and divorced in one simple phrase - I saw my alternative heterosexual life flash before my eyes - so wrong, so wrong! The story was just so wrong.
-Lisa
posted by L. Indra Lusero at 11:21 PM
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